so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
do herpes really smell.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
