Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize