Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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