i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
