so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
