I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
