Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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