After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
