Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The air was thick with penises
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
