Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
