Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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