Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
