I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
