Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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