Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
