I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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