Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
