Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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