somebody snuck up and got me drunk
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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