I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
