dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Green mimosas i think yes
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
