There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
