So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize