omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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