Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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