it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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