Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
