ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize