I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize