he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
