I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
