the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
