i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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