i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
