I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
