I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just high enough for therapy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
