I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
