she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
