I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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