I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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