Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
