hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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