I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
