I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize