my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
