drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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