What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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