Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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