I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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