Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
