Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
