I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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