Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
