Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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