I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
