do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
