She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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