my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Come on in and take your pants off
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