You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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