not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
