Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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