Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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