3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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