you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
