Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
