HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
