sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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