Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize