Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Randomize
