Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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