If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I want to be your penis for a week.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
