I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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