i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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