my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
