Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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