So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
