I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
