there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
