just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
