Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
