He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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