My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize