How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
is that a dick in a sweater?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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