Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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