It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
