Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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