$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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