Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
