I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize