can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize