so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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