saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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