Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Im part way to drunk.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
