Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
