U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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