Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize