i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
