he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
