I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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