You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
