Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
