i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
