I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
