my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I deserve to be covered in dicks
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize