Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
