it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
