the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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