I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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