Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
