Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize