How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
