my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
